I am currently sitting in the university library stressing over an exam I have to sit tomorrow. In fact, here is proof:
As I quiver behind the Norton Anthology of English Literature which will lend me no aid tomorrow, and I ponder writing a blog post for the sole purpose of procrastination, I remember the importance of putting into context every stress we face. This can be done on varying levels. The most simple, of course, is to convince yourself that your life will continue regardless of the result of the exam. If I fail tomorrow’s exam I have the possibility of a re-sit. I’m only in first year so it won’t go towards my final degree. Even if all fails and I’m forced to drop out of university, I still have my health, my family, my friends, and the opportunity to find employment elsewhere. And on a deeper level I often remember how tiny a spec I am, inhabiting a marginally larger spec that orbits a still undeniably small spec, unobservable to the mast majority of the known universe. On this tiny spec alone there are 7 billion people who couldn’t care less whether I pass tomorrow’s exam.
Even on another level, however, I’ve managed to put this stress into perspective, though in a way more difficult to describe. I stood in front of a mirror yesterday gazing at my face for a number of minutes (yes, this is going somewhere). In my sleep-deprived state I happened to notice how peculiar many parts of it looked – in particular the eyes. Maybe it’s just me and my aversion to making eye contact but I’ve never noticed quite how intricate the eye is. Patterns streak across the iris in a rich array of colours, hazel-blue in my case, like a fiery aurora. The pupil floats in the centre, a perfect featureless circle showing only my own reflection back through the mirror. My wonder did not cease here; I noticed, as my eyes twitched to and from the light, the pupil dilating inwards and outwards. Eager to test this further I shined a torch onto and off the side of my face in slow succession, watching the pupil instinctively react. It did this like the focusing of a camera lens in a process I could not feel or sense.
What this showed me, beyond a worrying sign of my own vanity, was how amazing it is simple to live. To be this incredible biological wonder I don’t really understand or even particularly consider on a daily basis. We’re so absorbed by everyday obsessions – be they work, taxes, socialising, politics and, of course, exams – that I don’t think many people besides biologists and children realise this. Whatever happens in my exam tomorrow, my mere existence is a true marvel. This isn’t an excuse to be devoid of motivation or ambition by any means, but I really believe it’s healthy to keep these things in mind.
Okay, stress-fuelled philosophical rambling over. Back to the textbooks…