It’s Boxing Day and I’m slightly bored, watching BBC News. Something about foxhunting flashed across the screen, kindling my curiosity about a practice I know little about. To find out more I took a look at their official website, ‘Masters of Foxhounds Association’. On this website you can see photos of cute dogs, looking wistfully across stunning country landscapes alongside wise men posing in front of their farms. Here you can choose to ‘find a hunt’, where glorious slaughter is merely a click away. Unfortunately they don’t have a Shetland branch, but there are 11 across Scotland I could choose to join!
Oh, but what’s this? Another link, titled “The Case for Repeal” ? Apparently foxhunting was banned by the Labour government in 2004. Does this mean I can’t join one of their organised massacres after all? Here you can find a most eloquently worded and intelligently expressed case for repealing the Hunting Act. “The prejudice, misuse of science and abuse of parliamentary process that saw the Act onto the statute book…” This note of prejudice from such an unbiased source is particularly convincing, as well as the highly detailed explanation of how science was ‘misused’. “The Hunting Act is unique in that its effects are entirely negative,” they say, clearly not paying attention to parliament’s legislative output of the last 30 years. Even more shockingly, “it does nothing for the welfare or conservation of the species it claims to ‘protect’. In fact it is detrimental to their welfare.” My heart weeps for those poor foxes who remain shamefully safe with their families.
To continue: “After some 700 hours of parliamentary time the Act was eventually driven through the House of Commons in a single day following a blatant breach of parliamentary protocol. It was then forced through using the ultimate constitutional sledgehammer, the Parliament Acts, which was used for only the fourth time since 1949.” This is such a blatant breach of parliamentary rights that they don’t even need to explain it – we should simply feel the illiberality within our racing blood. “The measure of a true democracy is tolerance: tolerance of minorities and, in particular, tolerance of activities that the majority might not support.” Indeed, 8 out of 10 people don’t want the act repealed, but they’re absolutely right that minority opinion should be safeguarded despite this – and I therefore look forward to their successive campaigns for the legalisation of murder and rape.
My enthusiasm unable to be contained, I’ve decided to send an email to their general inquiries at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I’ve been reading through your website and I’m excited to get involved in any way I can. I’ve just read Iain Banks’ The Wasp Factory and I found the way in which the protagonist Frank treated animals most inspiring. I particularly liked the bits where he blew up rabbits with dynamite and subjected a wasp to 12 different kinds of deaths. This is the sort of thing I would love to get involved with. I have two cats who both enjoy hunting very much and a Shetland Pony to ride on. They won’t know what’s hit ’em!